Last week was busy with buying Christmas presents for my family members and friends:) Settled everything within 1 day but I forgot 1 so I went back another day to get it, luckily I already knew what to buy. Orchard is very packed!:(
I was out with min & bel on 23rd Dec and bel forgot we are exchanging presents on that day. She forgot to bring, was planning on a stayover with min but we changed plans and went to raindrops cafe at scape instead and her mind couldn't switch over in time and she thought that we will be exchanging presents when we go to min's place haha. reminds me of yl the blur sotong lol. We are talking about the same stuff as usual and I really don't understand how come some people and some situations can be so complicated? I just want everything to be as normal and simple:) I was feeling very guilty when both of them were telling me their stuff and I didn't. I kept quiet throughout and at some point, I lied. I was feeling rather guilty about it but I didn't want so many people to know so I kept quiet, I'm sorry. But in the end I confessed because I was really guilty about lying, I'm sorry. Didn't want anyone to worry or give any comments to this, I guess, cause I've already decided what I want to do for this. Thanks for the opinions though:)
Had steamboat dinner with family on 24th Dec and I don't know if it's my own problem or what but the taste is different this time. I used to love steamboat dinner with family but not this time (after my granny left). Is it because she left that's why everything's different now? I don't want to eat steamboat with my family anymore, it's just different to me. My granny's departure from this family has left an impact on me, sometimes I will find myself missing the food that she cooked:( Still find that her food is the most delicious:) Spent the night at hy's house and we watched case 39, similar to orphan but I still prefer the latter:)
Went Jovan's house for Christmas celebrations, call it coincidence/affinity or whatever you want, the previous week when we need to draw lots to see who we have to exchange our presents with, my brother got my name for the 1st time and hy wasn't there and to prevent her from getting her own name, we asked my aunt to see and it wasn't her name. But I knew who hy got because I went to guess since my sister got her own name, she put it back, jh said the person he got was cute (he won't say my sister is cute) and since I didn't get my sister, I was guessing hy got it and I said it out. We got to re-pick again and my brother got my name again! I got Jovan's, got him a cap:))
I didn't know it was him initially, still thinking it's my sister until he said he bought an accessory which I'm guessing it's a watch. I just said that my watch is spoilt the previous day and the next day he went to buy 1 for me. That gave you away, my dearest innocent brother haha. He tried to trick me into giving away who I'm giving the present to but I played along and fool him by asking about what another person wants and he still thought that he managed to get it out of me!haha. So who's the one being fooled now? He can't fool me, I don't know why everytime when someone wants to buy or do something for me, I can sense it unless if you are as cunning as me then I can't tell. I still remember that incident when mag & sheena avoided me to do my birthday card and I just crept up on them unknowingly and saw my card and sheena's reaction was to run away immediately but I've already seen what I want to see haha. Everyone said they hated me since then haha. Of course my class also tried to surprise me but some people said out the plan too loudly and I heard some parts of it and mel's wrong move in complaining about the 'taxi driver' in English!haha.
We kept exchanging secrets telling them what the others want, the guys will tell the girls what that guy wants and vice versa haha.I asked hy to pretend that she's giving to Jovan and I'm giving to jh, that time everyone already knew who gave to who, cause some people just couldn't keep secrets, keep telling and it spread until those who didn't know can guess the remaining ones, imagine their expressions when hy gave jovan. I saw that jh was shocked until my brother who regained his senses said they are being fooled then we laughed at them haha. Celebrated jh's and my brother's very very belated birthday too:))
Went for appointment today to check my blocked ear and I'm fine, I can hear clearly now:)) The doctor cleared my ear, did a hearing test and turns out my hearing is perfectly normal. There might be a problem with the tube behind my ear cause I do not have any serious symptoms like bleeding or discharge from my ear, may be due to blocked nose. Luckily I can hear now:)) Worry too much hehe.
Still waiting for an answer that I want but I guess I won't get it. Not going to extend my contract anymore after it ends on 31st Jan. Last day will be 28th Jan. Waiting for someone to ask me to stay, just need to tell me to stay because you don't want me to leave, because you just need me to be there and not because if I left, there will be no one to help you do your work. I don't want that answer, all I want is something simple because you just want me to stay:) If someone says it, I will stay:)
Oh ya I almost forgot, thanks Kristin for offering to accompany me to the doctor but I declined. I don't want to trouble you that's all, I appreciate the offer, thanks for your concern, maybe you read my blog entry and knew that I was scared, thanks anyway:) Although I said I'll ask my sister to accompany me there, I didn't, I'm sorry that I lied but I really don't want to trouble you, really thanks alot for the offer:)) You are a nice friend hehe, thanks to all my friends for their concern too:))
Was out with mel,bib,wx,jeff and yaya on sat to orchard, I love the blue christmas lightings while mel obviously prefers the pink!haha, but since we were walking down the street where most of the blue lightings were, I was feeling very happy along the whole way until it changed to purple lightings down the next lane:(tried the christmas specials at pizza hut, not too bad, I like it:)and bib got an iphone4:(I'm so tempted:(when will the new version of iphone be launched?
Decided to go check on my blocked ear today and was referred to khoo teck puat hospital. There's really something in my ear blocking my hearing, some white stuff which they are still not sure what it is yet, which makes me scared:( Was feeling rather helpless when I'm sitting alone waiting for them to check on my ear and tell me what's wrong. I really don't know what's inside and need to go and see the specialist on 14 Dec, I hope they can get that thing out:( I'm really afraid, I'm scared I'll get infection or whatever which makes me unable to hear. Really afraid:(So if you see me really moody, please don't ask why or what happened. Feels terrible to repeat my condition to people and refraining myself from sounding scared. I just hope they will be able to get that terrible thing out on 14 Dec, I don't want it sticking with me:(
While sitting there waiting for the doctors to check on me, I got a sudden thought, what if I'm going to die? I mean not now, I know this ear block won't kill me but I was just thinking what if one day I just suddenly died? Who will be the ones who will be crying over my death?who will be the ones who actually care?and who will be the ones I'll think of before I breathe my last?I know exactly who will I be thinking of, but death is a terrible thing, it really scares me:((((don't want to have any regrets in life but that's impossible for me right now:(wondering is there anyone who doesn't have any regrets in this world?
Was having sore throat, having 2 ulcers in my mouth, 1 on my tongue, 1 at the side of my mouth, so I can't really talk properly, hurts to talk. Right ear is blocked but I can still hear, just that it seems as though there's something inside blocking:(this feeling is terrible:( may be going to see doctor about my blocked ear if it still doesn't get better by tuesday. hopefully it heals or unblocks itself, if not I'll always be hearing muffled sounds. I want my hearing to be perfect again! can't stand the feeling of it being blocked:(
I'm terrible at consoling and making others happy, I tried but doesn't seem to be of any help, useless! feels terrible to see someone I care about being sad:( Thinking how come some people can make me happy when I'm supposed to be sad?Is it they are just too good at these kind of things or I'm just too easy to humour? I don't know but I know I won't always be sad for too long cause I'm optimistic enough:) Hard to make everyone as optimistic as I am, so got to console, got to find out an effective way, use my own way then, hope it works:) maybe I will get better at these kind of things with more practice:)Hope there won't be any sudden bombs dropping on me which prevents me from helping even if I want to.Hope everything turns out well for everyone, pray hard:)
Next wednesday will be watching harry potter!and I've noticed that lots of people spelt Harry Potter as Harry Porter, please don't make this kind of mistake, I don't like haha. excited!!!can't wait:) the vampire diaries is a nice show too:)hooked onto it and like the characters especially damon salvatore:) this is way better than twilight series:)love sucks:)
Sad because of the reason that there's an accounts test today and I didn't complete it, was too slow in doing the adjustments, left with only 5 minutes todo the balance sheet and I wasn't even done with my P&L. So I only managed to write halfway for both my balance sheet and P&L which means I'll most probably flunk the whole paper:( Doesn't mean that I'll pass even if I complete it on time.
Planned on watching harry potter with my friends but due to some unforeseen circumstances, I can't watch it:( even more sad:( but no choice I got to give in:( I think I'm born to give in to others, don't know why I'll always give in, damn sad:( can I don't give in this time? cause it's Harry Potter,my all-time favourite movie of the year, or rather of my whole life.
Met up with bel,min and liz yesterday for buffet at orchard hotel to celebrate bel's belated birthday:) Was quite full although I never really eat alot, love the veggies as usual:)I'm a herbivore, seldom eat meat haha, and I do love fish alot. My friends will always say:She is going to order her fish and if I didn't order, they will be shocked haha.There's no need to be so exaggerated ok, I may love fish alot but it doesn't mean that I need to eat it for every meal everyday ok haha.We were full of nonsense too as usual, I'm definitely full of rubbish and crap.
But I think there should be a few people who will talk rubbish and crap placed in a group so that they can always liven the spirits up:)I'm not always the one to do that, in fact I'm always the quietest but when it's time for me to talk, I will so don't force me,just let me be alright? Let me be in my most comfortable state if not next time I'll feel stressed out when hanging out with you guys.
My brother took his 'O' level social studies yesterday and he followed in my footsteps whereby he just predicted the questions which will come out for the paper. In the end, he wasn't as lucky as me, in fact he's plain unlucky, cause none of what he studied came out. I think he's not going to score well. At least I predicted it well, for mine all 3 came out, but strictly speaking I only focused on 1. I still remember that time my classmates were telling me that I'm crazy cause I only studied for 1 while I scanned through the other 2 chapters I predicted. I was panicking when I knew that they studied far more than I did but luckily the one which I focused on came out:) If not, I won't be able to meet ei8ht and all my other friends in SP le:)I'm pretty good in linking stuff haha.
Hy was telling me I'm different from others, I'm always so calm, isn't it good in a way?She went to the toilet and didn't use it then after a while, she told me she wants to use the toilet and I just said:ok, let's go to the toilet then. She was surprised by my reaction telling me that normal people will grumble,complain or scold her for not using the toilet just now but I didn't. I don't see the need to complain or whatever, what's the use?It's just walking a few more steps, won't kill you right?That's the difference between lazy people and hardworking people haha.
One more thing to add,I realised that my birthday wish is coming true!hehe, been wishing the same thing for my friends, want them to find their other half soon and some of them just got attached this year:))) Will be wishing the same thing again this year and to add on to that wish, I will also wish that those who are attached will remain this blissful:) I know some of you want to find your other half soon, I know how much it means to you so I shall grant you all this wish!hehe.So I'll have 2 wishes this year!Can't be too greedy if not my wish will not come true:)Don't need to thank me, it's the least I can do hehe.If I can't help you find one, at least I can help you wish for one:)
I'm feeling so helpless right now, I don't know how to do my Econs assignment:( Why can't I think of the answer? How am I going to pass my exams? I know I should start studying now, feeling so stressed up all of a sudden and I'm having accounts test next week, I don't want to fail but... judging my current situation now, I'll most probably fail and be disappointed with myself again. I failed my soci test which is an open book one, predicted that I'll fail but still feeling rather sad:( Stupid me, sigh, hopeless:( I'm beyond hope:( Feel like pouring my heart out but... forget it, I don't know how to make myself feel better, better start studying now:(
I must be missing something...lack of motivation I guess, where has that hardworking and determined me gone to? sort of miss her:( I'm such a slacker now:(so many sad faces:(sad:(:(:(:(:(:(:( just fail my test and learn a lesson then:( it's gonna be a hard fall for me:(
How I wish there's always someone there for me to rely on, can depend on him to give me the answers to my assignments and being able to teach me anytime when I ask him something I don't know like Jiang Zhi Shu & Yuan Xiang Qin. I need someone to be there for me anytime, anywhere, I have a friend who will teach me also but can't be there for me everytime, I guess I'm too reliant on others:( Can I have a Doraemon to give me anything to let me score well for my exams or to help me in my schoolwork? Or give me Harry Potter, some magic spells which will help me?(although there isn't really a magic spell which can help you score well, if not Harry's grades won't always lose to Hermione's).Stop daydreaming, return to reality:( sometimes I just need that someone to be there for me:(envy people who have that special someone always there for them while I can only hope:(forget it, hoping for a miracle doesn't help anyway, I've tried and realised it doesn't help any bit:(miracles will only happen to some people and it's hard to have miracles, sadly miracles won't happen for me:(
It's coming hehe, starting on 18 Nov! can't wait but I can only watch it on the 29th or 30th after my sister has completed her last paper for 'A' level:( sad:( please don't tell me how nice it is after you have watched it, at least wait until I watched it please!looking forward to it!!! But also sad that it's all coming to an end soon:( Love this book the best out of the 7. I really wonder how smart can J.K Rowling be? Thanks to her, I've been preoccupying myself with the Harry Potter series since I was 11? I can't remember haha.I was abit slow in catching up on the Harry Potter trend cause I don't really like Harry Potter when the book was first launched. Have heard from my friends that the story is fantastic whatever whatever, but still couldn't bring myself to like it the moment I saw how thick the book is haha. Until one day, arranged to go watch Harry Potter's 4th movie Goblet of Fire, that's when I started to think maybe it wasn't so bad after all. So, I decided to borrow the books from my cousin and started reading them:) Thanks to the movie Goblet of Fire, I started reading the series. So far, my favourite book is the last one, favourite movie is of course Goblet of Fire. I'm hoping it will change to the Deathly Hallows:) seriously, the author is a genius! The best book I've ever read so far:)
Daniel Radcliffe is the best candidate for Harry Potter, he portrayed the character well:)To compare my favourite Twilight with Harry Potter, I'll still stick to Harry Potter:)I'm loyal haha. Twilight can't be compared to Harry Potter:) I really love the movies and the books, Harry Potter is my idol, the representative of a hero, loyal, brave, smart, compassionate etc etc. His friends and teachers are great too, all the characters are great!Except I still hate Voldemort and his Death Eaters:( I love Gryffindor:) To speak the truth, I like Snape too, didn't think that he will be willing to do so much for love, to protect Harry, love is what Voldemort can't understand and it's what brought him to his own death. James & Lily Potter are nice people too, not excluding Remus Lupin,Dumbledore and Sirius Black. Those who helped in protecting Harry and supporting him, they are nice people:) I still love my Harry Potter the most!hehe, he didn't give in and be part of the Dark Side, instead he persevere on and prove that the good will always win the evil no matter what obstacles he met. I want to be like him, but I know I always give in to temptations:( I think I'll miss Harry Potter when everything is over. Fantasy will always be fantasy, it won't happen in real life:(But I still love the journey I took with Harry Potter and his friends:)Thanks for bringing me on this journey, I won't ever forget Harry Potter I guess?Only if you are an avid reader of Harry Potter, will you understand what I'm talking and going through now, but I think I'm abit obsessed at times hehe.
Most of my friends think that I'm easily bullied by others and sometimes I'm too helpful. To me, I don't mind helping my friends as long as it benefits them. I know how it feels like to be helpless and how you feel when someone lends a helping hand. I give not because I've many, but because I know how it feels to have nothing:) As long as you are my friend, I'll offer help whenever you need it. Because of this reason, one of my friend doesn't want to befriend me. Doesn't want me to keep helping, don't even talk to me anymore. I just want to help, is it wrong? I know sometimes I may go a little overboard cause I'll go all out to help them as long as it's within my ability. I'm not complaining about that person or whatever but it's just something which I don't understand. Of course to add on to this problem, there's some rumors which totally made the whole things worse. Things have turned out for the better but I wished that it didn't even happened. If I can choose again, you know what will I do? I'll continue to help that friend no matter what. Friends are important to me and I like to help others, why restrict me from doing that?Doesn't it feel good to be offered help?
Another problem:I admit I don't know how to take care of myself, am learning but it isn't that easy. Can I don't learn?There are others who will take care of me, like my friends, my family:) Why must I learn how to take care of myself? Need to thank my friends for taking care of me haha. Appreciate it:) Even though I may be older than some of my friends but sometimes I feel like they act more like an elder sis to me than I do to them, it's not good in a sense. But I like to be taken care of, feels good to know that someone actually cares for you and is being nice to you:)
I love the feeling when you are being understood by someone. When you don't have to say a word but that person will know what you are thinking and able to say out the exact same words/thoughts you are thinking:) Love it when someone can know how you are feeling just by looking at your facial expressions:D Like to be understood, don't like to be maligned, no one will like to be maligned right?If I'm being maligned, I'll usually just admit it, don't want to waste my efforts explaining because it's either you understand me or you don't. Very simple right?haha, but will be sad if it's someone I thought will understand me/won't even thought that I'll be maligned by this friend, but still... sometimes it may happen.
I think that my temper is getting from bad to worse, very petty, how to change huh?everytime angry over small little things, can't stand it. because of my temper, I've caused lots of problems for my friends, sorry. I must learn to control my temper, seriously I feel that I'm a bad person. Didnt really think for others and think in their perspective, everytime care for myself only. Why? When will I learn to grow up? I should stop thinking so much rubbish, make my brain stop thinking all those nonsense and start thinking of serious stuff like studying. But I'm lazy:( I know I still got to study in the end, hope I can pass! Too stressed, really scared, I can't understand alot of things even if I study alot. How? Got to start solving all these problems one by one.
But first is my temper. Get me into trouble everytime:(I don't know how things will go from here, but... I have only myself to blame. serve me right, who ask me to be so petty. If this way is better, then I can only accept. I hate myself!!!
Sorry....maybe things will change from now on... I really don't know...
Love this song and the lyrics especially the chorus part:)
蝴蝶眨几次眼睛 才学会飞行
夜空洒满了星星 但几颗会落地
我飞行 当你坠落之际 很靠近 还听见呼吸
对不起 我却没捉紧你
你不知道我为什么离开你 我坚持不能说放任你哭泣
你的泪滴像倾盆大雨 碎落满地 在心里清晰
你不知道我为什么狠下心 盘旋在你看不见的高空里
多的是 你不知道的事
我飞行 当你坠落之际
你不知道我为什么离开你 我坚持不能说放任你哭泣
你的泪滴像倾盆大雨 碎落满地 在心里清晰
你不知道我为什么狠下心 盘旋在你看不见的高空里
多的是 你不知道的事
The things you never knew, if I don't tell, you will never know. There may be some things which I did for you, but if I don't let you know, you will never know that it happened. You may have done everything for this person, but he/she may not know and will never know unless you say it out. This lyrics is nice:) but damn sad too:(you don't know why I had to leave you, you don't know why I can be so cruel to keep away from you, but some things can't be helped can it? There must be a reason for staying away, maybe due to some reasons which you can't tell or maybe this reason is hurting you too much. You need to stay away to prevent getting hurt any further. Or you may just be staying away to let the other party be happy, stop being by his/her side pestering them when you know they are unhappy about you being too close. I'm thinking too much into these lyrics haha, anyway it's just a song but I just love to decipher the meaning in lyrics:)
Here are some pictures we took last sunday:)
