Happened to see min's boyfriend yesterday when I went causeway point to ask about my contract with SingTel, spotted him first and started looking for min and she was there too:) I've a pretty good memory cause I saw his photos once and can recognise him since then.
Had lunch with min just now and we continued our usual chit-chat haha. She was doing most of the talking while I'm just asking questions and giving some opinions.
I have lessons from 8.30am to 3pm tomorrow and an additional 7pm-10pm FM lecture cause it was postponed to this week since the lecturer wasn't free last week. Tomorrow is going to be a tiring day:(
I want an iPhone4S casing! But until now I can't find one which I really like, just got to make do with this casing I'm using now.
Sigh~ You're being missed again... Sometimes I wish that you will tell me you miss me too:( I'm asking for too much again:( Sigh~ Have I crossed your mind even for 1 second? Or did you ever think of me when you're bored and need someone to talk to? I miss talking to you in person, I miss the times when we used to joke around and I always like to disturb you and bully you. 还蛮喜欢跟你斗嘴的, like to argue until you are speechless and sometimes you will start saying some nonsensical/funny stuff to win haha. I always feel that you like to bully me and give me lots of workload whenever I offered my help, used to complain about it to you. You will either start to argue back or you will take back the stuff reluctantly and do it yourself. Everytime when it comes to this stage, 我又会开始心软了, I'll always take back my words and request for work from you again. You always win whenever you show me the sad face cause that's when I'll start giving in:(
Monday, October 31, 2011
Sunday, October 30, 2011
happy!
Yes!!!! Finally gotten my iPhone4S on fri, went to suntec roadshow with jy to purchase:) Happy but also thinking that it's too expensive, spending about $500 at one go for a phone, it's really no joke!
At costa sands downtown east yesterday to celebrate melly's 21st birthday:) Long time since we gathered together, everyone's busy with their own lives and we are asking the same old questions, how are we doing, what have we been up to etc. We used to see one other everyday in school but now we only gather for birthdays, but the chemistry is still there. They are still as fun-loving and humorous haha, Mr Yeong actually recycled one of his lame jokes which he told me before and I had to sit there and helped him lie to the others. Next week will be yl's turn at the same venue again:)
Missed the last train, wanted to cab home with hoonie and bib but we saw the bus heading towards yishun and board it. After that we managed to catch the last train heading towards jurong east!:)) Saved on midnight cab fare, the others got to pay extra by cabbing home! Too bad! I'm being sarcastic here haha. I hope next week I won't miss the last train!
Tuned in to yes93.3fm just now and the first song I heard is Jay's new song!hehe, happy like mad! I'm so lucky! Bought his albums already, gonna wait for 11 Nov to collect:)
One of my brackets came off:( Going to get it fixed tomorrow!
At costa sands downtown east yesterday to celebrate melly's 21st birthday:) Long time since we gathered together, everyone's busy with their own lives and we are asking the same old questions, how are we doing, what have we been up to etc. We used to see one other everyday in school but now we only gather for birthdays, but the chemistry is still there. They are still as fun-loving and humorous haha, Mr Yeong actually recycled one of his lame jokes which he told me before and I had to sit there and helped him lie to the others. Next week will be yl's turn at the same venue again:)
Missed the last train, wanted to cab home with hoonie and bib but we saw the bus heading towards yishun and board it. After that we managed to catch the last train heading towards jurong east!:)) Saved on midnight cab fare, the others got to pay extra by cabbing home! Too bad! I'm being sarcastic here haha. I hope next week I won't miss the last train!
Tuned in to yes93.3fm just now and the first song I heard is Jay's new song!hehe, happy like mad! I'm so lucky! Bought his albums already, gonna wait for 11 Nov to collect:)
One of my brackets came off:( Going to get it fixed tomorrow!
Sunday, October 23, 2011
代替品
有时候会被别人当作是代替品，可是我明知道自己只是个代替品，为什么还情愿当个代替品呢？你有想过这个问题吗？理由很简单，因为不想你一个人，不想你觉得孤单、觉得闷、觉得无聊、觉得不自在、不开心。也许，你根本不会这么想，是我自己想太多，过度担心了。最糟的是，你已经知道自己是代替品了，却只能配合，照着别人的意思去做。
在任何人决定把我当作代替品之前，是不是可以试着站在我的立场为我想一下，考虑一下我的感受？如果今天换作是你被当成代替品，你又会有什么感受？如果再发生同样状况的话，我还是会和以往一样，在你需要我的时候陪在你的身边。只要是你约的，而我又有空的话，我一定赴约。这就是我对你好的方式。。。希望不会有人利用我对他的好。
我要的其实很简单，我只是不想被当作是代替品。这点，你做得到吗？
在任何人决定把我当作代替品之前，是不是可以试着站在我的立场为我想一下，考虑一下我的感受？如果今天换作是你被当成代替品，你又会有什么感受？如果再发生同样状况的话，我还是会和以往一样，在你需要我的时候陪在你的身边。只要是你约的，而我又有空的话，我一定赴约。这就是我对你好的方式。。。希望不会有人利用我对他的好。
我要的其实很简单，我只是不想被当作是代替品。这点，你做得到吗？
Friday, October 21, 2011
Anticipate!
周杰伦与歌迷们不变的约定：第十一张专辑即将于2011年11月11日正式发行！10月26日开始预购！好像会有11首歌！太开心了! :)) 还蛮期待的！这次又会有什么惊喜呢？
还没买他的《超时代》演唱会 DVD :( 那就跟新专辑一起买吧！
Going to get iPhone 4S on the 28th Oct, provided there's enough to cater to all Apple consumers! Money is draining out like water :( After jy & I get it, all ei8ht of us will be using the same brand of handphone! haha. Apple product rocks! :) Still considering whether to switch to SingTel or continue with my StarHub? Let's check out the price plans first!
还没买他的《超时代》演唱会 DVD :( 那就跟新专辑一起买吧！
Going to get iPhone 4S on the 28th Oct, provided there's enough to cater to all Apple consumers! Money is draining out like water :( After jy & I get it, all ei8ht of us will be using the same brand of handphone! haha. Apple product rocks! :) Still considering whether to switch to SingTel or continue with my StarHub? Let's check out the price plans first!
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
school days
Had lunch with jy, yl and evil twin today after lessons:) 2 pairs of twins!hehe. Love to eat the canteen's tomyam youmian! Can eat it every week, not tired of it yet:) Same as McDonald's, it used to be a luxury for me, I can only eat it on special occasions, but now... I eat it almost every week! Not healthy I know but I love fast food! Was too tired today, decided to just close my eyes and rest for a while and almost forgot to alight! My mind suddenly become awake about a few seconds when the train doors opened and I opened my eyes and realised that I should be alighting now!
Memory getting worse, can't remember some stuff, this is bad!! I guess I'm just too tired?
Why bother telling me what you wanted initially after you have changed your mind? Why bother telling me after you have decided not to do it? Do you even know that I'll just get my hopes high and become disappointed later? Do you know that I'll want to do whatever it is that you wanted initially? You never bother to ask me what I want and you just made the decision yourself. Since you have already decided not to do it, no point telling you how I feel and what I want, just do it your way. Next time please say it only if you want to do it. Next time I should try this on you too, let you have a taste of it yourself and you will understand!haha. I'm just saying, of course I won't do it!
Memory getting worse, can't remember some stuff, this is bad!! I guess I'm just too tired?
Why bother telling me what you wanted initially after you have changed your mind? Why bother telling me after you have decided not to do it? Do you even know that I'll just get my hopes high and become disappointed later? Do you know that I'll want to do whatever it is that you wanted initially? You never bother to ask me what I want and you just made the decision yourself. Since you have already decided not to do it, no point telling you how I feel and what I want, just do it your way. Next time please say it only if you want to do it. Next time I should try this on you too, let you have a taste of it yourself and you will understand!haha. I'm just saying, of course I won't do it!
Sunday, October 16, 2011
dimsum :)
Had dimsum with ei8ht yesterday:) We still didn't know what to get for yl, thought of an idea for her friends though! We were too tired to think and I really have no idea! We are the laziest bunch of girls around! Not forgetting the 'always hungry and eat alot', of course not including me since I've a rather small appetite as compared to them!haha. We went to rest for a while before continuing shopping and chill at 'once upon a milkshake'. We are always resting~~~ haha!
Talked about my sister and I, we are way different! No one believed me when I told them that, not until they saw the pictures. That's when they became speechless. Personality not the same, intelligence level not the same, appearance not the same, sense of dressing not the same... But nevertheless, I still love my sister:)) I like the relationship I have with her:) I can talk to her about anything and everything in the world, but it depends on whether I want to do that. She will always listen and give advice:) She will care about me, I can always tell even though she always used a serious tone when she cares hahaha, but that's just her! We care about the people around us, but she is more expressive, not me, I won't show but that doesn't mean I don't care, I do it through actions, she prefers both actions and words.
感觉很矛盾，有时希望你会关心我，有时又希望你不要对我那么好，就连朋友的关心都不可以。因为我会害怕，害怕又会想太多，害怕又会重新燃起希望，每次都要跟自己说这就只是朋友的关心而已，没有别的意思，不可以想太多。最怕的是，越陷越深，怕受伤，怕难过，怕失落。我还蛮怕面对你的。。。我怕我的情绪会很容易被你影响。
为了避免自己再越界，我总是在重复着你对我说的话，那些伤人的话我还记得。。。也只能用这个方法了，至少会比较容易把我们之间的距离拉开。不对，应该是我会觉得比较容易远离你。我没办法再跟你走得这么近了，因为我随时会有越界的行为。
有时还是会超越朋友可以关心的范围，会过度关心，这样不行！反正我可以躲的话就会躲得越远越好，不行的话，就只能装一下了，不能让你发现我在躲你，如果你知道的话，应该会很难过吧？我不能再像以前那样关心你，对你好了。我没办法再把你当作是朋友了，至少现在不行。。。对你，始终还是会有特别的情感存在着。
Talked about my sister and I, we are way different! No one believed me when I told them that, not until they saw the pictures. That's when they became speechless. Personality not the same, intelligence level not the same, appearance not the same, sense of dressing not the same... But nevertheless, I still love my sister:)) I like the relationship I have with her:) I can talk to her about anything and everything in the world, but it depends on whether I want to do that. She will always listen and give advice:) She will care about me, I can always tell even though she always used a serious tone when she cares hahaha, but that's just her! We care about the people around us, but she is more expressive, not me, I won't show but that doesn't mean I don't care, I do it through actions, she prefers both actions and words.
感觉很矛盾，有时希望你会关心我，有时又希望你不要对我那么好，就连朋友的关心都不可以。因为我会害怕，害怕又会想太多，害怕又会重新燃起希望，每次都要跟自己说这就只是朋友的关心而已，没有别的意思，不可以想太多。最怕的是，越陷越深，怕受伤，怕难过，怕失落。我还蛮怕面对你的。。。我怕我的情绪会很容易被你影响。
为了避免自己再越界，我总是在重复着你对我说的话，那些伤人的话我还记得。。。也只能用这个方法了，至少会比较容易把我们之间的距离拉开。不对，应该是我会觉得比较容易远离你。我没办法再跟你走得这么近了，因为我随时会有越界的行为。
有时还是会超越朋友可以关心的范围，会过度关心，这样不行！反正我可以躲的话就会躲得越远越好，不行的话，就只能装一下了，不能让你发现我在躲你，如果你知道的话，应该会很难过吧？我不能再像以前那样关心你，对你好了。我没办法再把你当作是朋友了，至少现在不行。。。对你，始终还是会有特别的情感存在着。
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
manhattan fish market
Meet up with my friends in the afternoon, went to McDonald's slack a bit and have dinner with another group of friends at manhattan fish market:)
果然还是聊到了一些不想聊的话题/听到了不想听的东西，刚才的我好像有点太安静了。我确实有在想东西，确实觉得难过，可是你们怎么逼问我，我也不会说的。。。是不可以说，也没什么好说的。
现在的我跟你已经开始慢慢渐行渐远了，我有很多事都没告诉你，你的事我也没过问。我想到了某个时候就会开始失去联络了。我现在难过的话，我也不会告诉你，也不知道要怎么样告诉你:( 我总不能说是因为你说的某些话让我难过吧？也不能不让你说你想说的东西啊！算了，只能继续掩饰了。
我知道你们关心我，知道你们要我交男朋友，可是如果我说我不想的话，希望你们不要再把我推给任何人，尤其是你。。。反正重要的是，我快不快乐，而不是我有没有男朋友，我不需要有男朋友也一样可以很快乐，不是吗？请不要再逼我了，这种事就让它顺其自然，有就有，没有就没有，感情这种东西不能用逼的。
果然还是聊到了一些不想聊的话题/听到了不想听的东西，刚才的我好像有点太安静了。我确实有在想东西，确实觉得难过，可是你们怎么逼问我，我也不会说的。。。是不可以说，也没什么好说的。
现在的我跟你已经开始慢慢渐行渐远了，我有很多事都没告诉你，你的事我也没过问。我想到了某个时候就会开始失去联络了。我现在难过的话，我也不会告诉你，也不知道要怎么样告诉你:( 我总不能说是因为你说的某些话让我难过吧？也不能不让你说你想说的东西啊！算了，只能继续掩饰了。
我知道你们关心我，知道你们要我交男朋友，可是如果我说我不想的话，希望你们不要再把我推给任何人，尤其是你。。。反正重要的是，我快不快乐，而不是我有没有男朋友，我不需要有男朋友也一样可以很快乐，不是吗？请不要再逼我了，这种事就让它顺其自然，有就有，没有就没有，感情这种东西不能用逼的。
Monday, October 10, 2011
Resting
Had gastric pain on Saturday when I'm supposed to go out with min and bel to celebrate bel's birthday, but... plan failed! I felt rather guilty though, but never mind, we will meet soon:) Sorry for wasting your time and transport fee, travelling to town and back to my place:( The pain was unbearable, ate some food and straight after that, I vomited all out. I couldn't even stand straight cause it really hurts, it's that serious. Took some medicine they bought for me, went home, vomited again and went to sleep. For the whole day, I was either lying in bed or sitting down:(
Now, it's getting better, although there's a slight pain at times but I still can endure it. I think I need to abstain from unhealthy food for a while, if I can help it! This is not the time to fall sick, if I continue like this, I'm so gonna get thinner! No chance of me gaining more weight:( I'm trying to gain more weight cause it seems rather unhealthy to be so skinny! I want to get well faster!
My sister is staying in her school's hostel, so I basically own the room to myself now. The queen-sized bed is really too big for me, no one to accompany me at night, no more late night chats with her, can only see her during weekends:(
Now, it's getting better, although there's a slight pain at times but I still can endure it. I think I need to abstain from unhealthy food for a while, if I can help it! This is not the time to fall sick, if I continue like this, I'm so gonna get thinner! No chance of me gaining more weight:( I'm trying to gain more weight cause it seems rather unhealthy to be so skinny! I want to get well faster!
My sister is staying in her school's hostel, so I basically own the room to myself now. The queen-sized bed is really too big for me, no one to accompany me at night, no more late night chats with her, can only see her during weekends:(
Friday, October 7, 2011
难过
因为舍不得，因为难过，所以还是忍不住哭了:( 离开之前有和你说几句话，当时有一点想哭了，可是还是忍住了。我不想在你的面前哭，因为害怕你会不高兴，怕会造成你的困扰。以后不可以再像以前一样这么常看到你了，会想念。不知道以后如果有聚会的话，会不会因为我有出席而惹到有些人不高兴还是不放心你和我见面？ 如果会这样的话，就算我再想见到你，我也宁愿不要跟你见面，因为这样我会很辛苦，你也会很为难。我可以理解为什么在我最后一天的时候你没送我任何东西，也可以理解为什么我不可以随意在twitter/facebook 乱写东西，但可以理解并不代表不会难过。听到你这样说的时候，我超难过的，所以之后你的解释我完全不想听。
我明白你在乎她的感受，可是你有想过我也会难过吗？我知道就算我再难过也没用，因为你不会在乎，不会关心，因为我对你来说不重要。
我现在除了难过，什么感觉都没有了，我想我需要一点时间来复原。选择不回家是有原因的，因为怕回家时会很难过，怕被问起，所以不想回家。
想见到你，却又害怕见面时会聊到一些让自己不开心的事，到时又要假装没事。虽然我经常都在你面前装没事，但其实心里面很辛苦。
我明白你在乎她的感受，可是你有想过我也会难过吗？我知道就算我再难过也没用，因为你不会在乎，不会关心，因为我对你来说不重要。
我现在除了难过，什么感觉都没有了，我想我需要一点时间来复原。选择不回家是有原因的，因为怕回家时会很难过，怕被问起，所以不想回家。
想见到你，却又害怕见面时会聊到一些让自己不开心的事，到时又要假装没事。虽然我经常都在你面前装没事，但其实心里面很辛苦。
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Doesn't matter anymore
I guess this is the only place where I can rant everything out, I hope it will remain this way. I hope that one day I won't have to resort to changing my blog address. Maybe I'll consider locking my tweets, locking my facebook, locking my blog so that no one will know about my recent happenings. Well, it seems like a good idea:)
There must be a reason why I always come here, that's because I tend to confess about those things which I find it difficult to tell my friends in my blog. Everything that I'm hiding will be posted here, I find it more comfortable to express it in words rather than confiding in my friends. I don't really know how to express myself, so this is the only way. I don't really want them to worry about me, so I'll always write about my feelings here. If this privilege is taken away from me, that's it. It's the last straw, there's a limit to everything.
I don't even know if I should feel angry or sad or put myself in your shoes and do whatever I can to help you, but I've already done everything that I can. I don't have the habit of setting my profile page to private cause I don't see the need to, and I don't want this habit to change. I don't want to keep thinking about the consequences it will lead to if I post this particular stuff, I want to be able to rant about everything and anything that I want, just like in the past. I don't like to feel restricted, like what if I'm sad about this thing but I can't even post it in my blog? Then what is the use of my blog? It's designed such that I can just rant out my feelings, isn't it?
Forget it, I didn't expect this reaction though, but well, you won't really understand my feelings unless you are the one experiencing it. It seems as though it's my fault, I've to control myself from writing about anything as and when I like. This is my own private space, so why should I be restricted to write about anything as and when I like? But well, I'm just venting out my anger.
很开心你告诉我希望我留下的原因，很开心你希望我留下，但是我说过了，除非是我要的答案，不然我是不会留下的。我承认我有被动摇，你给的理由都很合理，但是都不重要了，因为那始终不是我要的答案。如果留下的话，只会越陷越深，伤害也会越来越大，何必呢？虽然还是会想要留下来，至少有机会留在你的身边陪你聊天，跟你开玩笑，让你教我功课，还可以赚钱，听起来还真是不错哦！但是就像我说过的，来不及也不重要了。。。我想以后就算要回去找你，也应该找不到了吧？
保重，再见了。。。
There must be a reason why I always come here, that's because I tend to confess about those things which I find it difficult to tell my friends in my blog. Everything that I'm hiding will be posted here, I find it more comfortable to express it in words rather than confiding in my friends. I don't really know how to express myself, so this is the only way. I don't really want them to worry about me, so I'll always write about my feelings here. If this privilege is taken away from me, that's it. It's the last straw, there's a limit to everything.
I don't even know if I should feel angry or sad or put myself in your shoes and do whatever I can to help you, but I've already done everything that I can. I don't have the habit of setting my profile page to private cause I don't see the need to, and I don't want this habit to change. I don't want to keep thinking about the consequences it will lead to if I post this particular stuff, I want to be able to rant about everything and anything that I want, just like in the past. I don't like to feel restricted, like what if I'm sad about this thing but I can't even post it in my blog? Then what is the use of my blog? It's designed such that I can just rant out my feelings, isn't it?
Forget it, I didn't expect this reaction though, but well, you won't really understand my feelings unless you are the one experiencing it. It seems as though it's my fault, I've to control myself from writing about anything as and when I like. This is my own private space, so why should I be restricted to write about anything as and when I like? But well, I'm just venting out my anger.
很开心你告诉我希望我留下的原因，很开心你希望我留下，但是我说过了，除非是我要的答案，不然我是不会留下的。我承认我有被动摇，你给的理由都很合理，但是都不重要了，因为那始终不是我要的答案。如果留下的话，只会越陷越深，伤害也会越来越大，何必呢？虽然还是会想要留下来，至少有机会留在你的身边陪你聊天，跟你开玩笑，让你教我功课，还可以赚钱，听起来还真是不错哦！但是就像我说过的，来不及也不重要了。。。我想以后就算要回去找你，也应该找不到了吧？
保重，再见了。。。
Monday, October 3, 2011
误会
It's a Monday and usually Monday's lunch will be McDonald's ever since my brother is having his holidays. I think it will continue this way until he goes back to school. I saw mel today while I was on my way back!! Chatted a bit with her and it was awesome! I miss her, miss attending the same lectures with her, of course not forgetting peihoon and evil twin also. I hope next year I can have at least 1 class with them, but it's hard!
Suddenly thought of something my colleague said about me, she mentioned that I'm too quiet to the point that I don't share anything with anyone. Well, that I admit, it's hard for me to tell people about my inner feelings, sometimes I just don't feel comfortable. If you happened to be those few who seem to know quite a lot about me, I guess you're pretty lucky! This means that I trust you or you make me feel comfortable enough to share:) But my blog is the place where I'll usually reveal my inner thoughts, so this is the place to get to know more about me!
我是不是经常让人误会什么？有时觉得我跟某些男生太要好，容易让人误会我跟他们之间的关系。我只是把他们当作是朋友/同事才会常常跟他们聊天，开玩笑之类的，可是也许某些人并不是这么想的。他们来找我聊天，我就陪他们聊天，但也许有时候我的行为举止却让别人误会了。我记得有发生过类似的情况，很多人都以为我会跟这个男生在一起/我们的关系很暧昧因为觉得我们太要好了，但是我们明明就没什么，却没人相信我。我也该检讨一下了，也许是自己的态度不够明确吧？我想澄清的是，我并没有要让别人误会的意思，我真的只是把他们当作是朋友，就只是朋友，没有别的。我不想因为怕别人误会就开始少跟他们说话还是回避一下，算了，我解释这么多干嘛？反正该在乎的人又不在乎。
我想很多人都以为我会留下来吧？我自己也曾经这么认为，只能说有时候很多事情会改变。也许我就是很喜欢做一些让人觉得出乎意料的事，也许我就是一个不听话的人，不喜欢照着别人的意思去做，你要我做这个，我就偏偏做相反的把你气死! :D
我想你应该知道我留下跟离开的真正原因吧？但是这些理由都不重要了。。。我觉得，不管是要离开的人，还是被留下来的人，应该都一样痛苦吧？还是想说声对不起。。。对不起我又丢下你一个人:(
Suddenly thought of something my colleague said about me, she mentioned that I'm too quiet to the point that I don't share anything with anyone. Well, that I admit, it's hard for me to tell people about my inner feelings, sometimes I just don't feel comfortable. If you happened to be those few who seem to know quite a lot about me, I guess you're pretty lucky! This means that I trust you or you make me feel comfortable enough to share:) But my blog is the place where I'll usually reveal my inner thoughts, so this is the place to get to know more about me!
我是不是经常让人误会什么？有时觉得我跟某些男生太要好，容易让人误会我跟他们之间的关系。我只是把他们当作是朋友/同事才会常常跟他们聊天，开玩笑之类的，可是也许某些人并不是这么想的。他们来找我聊天，我就陪他们聊天，但也许有时候我的行为举止却让别人误会了。我记得有发生过类似的情况，很多人都以为我会跟这个男生在一起/我们的关系很暧昧因为觉得我们太要好了，但是我们明明就没什么，却没人相信我。我也该检讨一下了，也许是自己的态度不够明确吧？我想澄清的是，我并没有要让别人误会的意思，我真的只是把他们当作是朋友，就只是朋友，没有别的。我不想因为怕别人误会就开始少跟他们说话还是回避一下，算了，我解释这么多干嘛？反正该在乎的人又不在乎。
我想很多人都以为我会留下来吧？我自己也曾经这么认为，只能说有时候很多事情会改变。也许我就是很喜欢做一些让人觉得出乎意料的事，也许我就是一个不听话的人，不喜欢照着别人的意思去做，你要我做这个，我就偏偏做相反的把你气死! :D
我想你应该知道我留下跟离开的真正原因吧？但是这些理由都不重要了。。。我觉得，不管是要离开的人，还是被留下来的人，应该都一样痛苦吧？还是想说声对不起。。。对不起我又丢下你一个人:(