来不及

Sent jh off at changi, didn't really feel anything but that moment when we are leaving, I started to miss him, started to have that weird feeling, not sure how to describe it.

来不及了，一切都来不及了:( 我已经说了，没有反悔的余地了。一直到最后一分钟，我都还在傻傻的抱着希望，希望你会挽留我，但是。。。你还是没说出我要你说的答案:( 剩下最后两天跟你相处了，舍不得，不想走，想好好珍惜跟你相处的时候，想拥有更多时间跟你相处。我每次都很珍惜跟你相处的时间，只是到最后我唯一能做的还是离开。好好珍惜身边的人，我有啊！结果呢？结果我珍惜的人却快变成了回忆，是快乐的回忆:)

从我说出要离开这句话而你接受我要离开的时候，感觉你突然离我好遥远，感觉我们突然变得很不熟，好像陌生人一样，感觉好像从此以后我们的人生不会再有任何交集，我不喜欢这种感觉。我又能怎样？我也只能接受。这就是我的命运，不是吗？也许我在错的时间遇见你，如果我们还有缘的话，下次我们一定会再相遇的:) 如果。。。你有说出我要的答案，那该有多好。

要记得：不可以随便和其他男生太要好，不然对我有兴趣的人会没有安全感。不可以一直被别人欺负。不可以对别人没戒心，要深入了解才把她/他当朋友。不可以穿容易走光的衣服/太短的裙子，要保护好。不可以让别人担心，要懂得照顾自己。不可以老是担心这么多东西。不可以因为心情不好就不吃，要吃多一点有营养的东西不然对身体健康不好。不可以这么容易生气/难过/小气，要一直保持愉快的心情。不可以太想某人。大概就是这样，应该没遗漏掉什么吧？还是好希望可以留在你的身边:( 我很笨对吧？

this is my weight, obviously I need to eat more! :(

I still want to stay

You know what? Even after I've made the decision to leave, I still want to stay. I know I shouldn't since it's a one-sided affair. Nothing good will come out of it. Who am I kidding? I still have longings, still can't bear to leave. Really very confused and having mixed feelings everyday.

It's like I'll keep thinking that if you asked me to stay, I know I'll change my mind about leaving. I know I'll always go back to you if you asked me to. I don't want you to ask me to stay as a friend, but as someone whom you have special feelings for. That is the only reason I'll stay. Until now, I think that chances of me staying is still zero. I'm hoping that I won't regret my decision.

There is still 1 more day before I made known my decision... Once it's announced, it's irreversible.

Worried

I'm worried about you, as always :( I know nothing that I said will ever be of any help since I'm not the one experiencing this, so I won't be able to fully understand how you're feeling. But still... can't help feeling worried :( Don't want to pester you since you have a lot on your mind already, just hope that you will continue to be happy and smile. I don't like to see that sullen look on your face. You can still confide in me and I'll do my very best to comfort/console you. Even though I hope that I can be beside you and brave through this with you, I know that you will need her more. Anyway, just go to her if you need her by your side, she's the only one who's allowed to stand by you and give you the support that you need. Ya, I understand, I understand that you need her by your side now.

I know that you are those pessimistic type and once your mood is down, it's hard to cheer you up. You have to expect the worst and hope for the best, that's what I always did and things always turned out to be better than what I expected:) Everything will be fine at the end:) Just know that if you ever need me, I'll be there:) It's a promise and you know I always keep my promise:)

In the wrong

I admit I'm in the wrong, I shouldn't have asked those questions. I mean who in the right mind will ask those questions?? What am I thinking?? What am I doing??!! I must be crazy but what's done is already done. I can only right the wrong now. Do what is right this time, thank you, please don't create anymore problems.

If what I have done means that we can't be friends anymore, then I can accept it. My behaviour seems like a third party, a vixen but never mind, I accept all those accusations cause I think I really seem like one. Seriously something is wrong with me, seems like I'm hurting someone by asking those questions.

At least I have a definite answer. At least I won't have any longings. This makes it easier, at least I won't have second thoughts about leaving. But seriously, this is way overboard!!!

Relax a bit before school starts :)

It's the TEO's tradition to celebrate mid-autumn festival every year with the usual playing of candles! This year is a bit different as we are allowed to bring our other half there:) I'm waiting for the day when I can finally bring mine:) Had a competition to make a heart shape and turns out hy and her boyfriend's one is the nicest. Played truth or dare too:)

Meet up with min & bel and had soup spoon for dinner:) Love clam chowder:)Conclusion after meeting up with them: Love can conquer everything and it can change a person too. In a good way though:)

It requires lots of compromise and trust and understanding etc etc, that's what I've got to learn, if not I'll only end up losing my temper and quarrelling with my boyfriend very frequently in the future. Really hate quarrelling, I'll definitely lose! Don't even know how to retort back! And I'm really afraid of those people who shout at me. Afraid of fierce people:( But I don't think I'll be afraid of my boyfriend though! He should be afraid of me losing my temper, ignoring him, giving him the cold shoulder, not talking to him, being fierce to him etc etc haha! I sound like a bully, but that's the way I want it to be. I've had enough of people bullying me, it's time to turn the situation around! At least he should give in to me and let me bully him occasionally and I'll be more than contented haha!

Went 85 and eat ba chor mee:) Not sure what is so special about it but I like it:) Had satay for dinner too:) Went bedok reservoir and saw nothing cause it's night time and too dark! haha, shall go there again if there's a chance!:) Want to see the skyline when the sun sets, should be quite a scenic view:) Bedok reservoir seems like a nice place!haha. If only there's more of such places in Sembawang, I'll go there every week to eat and view scenery to get away from the hassle of everyday life! Love the upper deck of the bus, always like to sit at the very front and view out the window or just stare into space, it makes me forget about my troubles for the time being:)

Totally not ready for school next week:( Seems as though I haven't really enjoyed myself. By the way, The Vampire Diaries Season 3 is out! haha, will keep a lookout for new episode every week:)

我好像越来越贪心了。。。好像一直想得到更多，真是糟糕! :(

为什么总爱跟别人撇清我们的关系:( 为什么我总是这么不幸的听到不想听到的东西? :( 真是的！

为什么？

为什么我又在不高兴？！为什么我又在为了这种事而不开心？！根本就没必要，因为我没有资格。我凭什么？反正没有人会因为我难过而心疼，没有人会在乎我的感受，没有人会觉得我很重要，没有人会紧张我，没有我也无所谓，不是吗？我只是想要被在乎，被别人关心着。为什么就是得不到你的关心？我总是要对你很好，你才会对我好，总是要付出很多努力，才会得到你那么一点的关注。为什么有些人却不用这么努力？为什么一定要我主动对你好，你才会对我好？为什么别人不用这么做，你就会主动对她们好？

每次听到你提起别的女生，我就超不爽，超难过的，却又不想让你知道。都不见得我会一直提起别的男生！是该提一下的，是该对别的男生好一点的，是该和他们熟一点，亲近一点的，反正你也不会在乎! :( 是该离你远一点的，不该对你这么好，不然你会觉得那是理所当然的，会不当一回事。气炸了！下次不要这么容易被你影响，请牢记这一点。

珍惜

Finally settled on my timetable, didn't even have any classes with any of my friends due to unforeseen circumstances:( Have to attend class alone then:( The ECR system sucks, so laggy, it's nothing compared to sp. Speaking of sp, kind of miss the times when I'm doing projects with my best bunch of friends. We used to suffer together but there's always much fun and laughter, I miss that feeling, the times spent together.

想被挽留，你却什么都不说，如果我没问，你是不是会一声不吭的让我走？不希望我离开的真正理由又是什么？因为被留下来的人往往都是最痛苦的？还是因为我留下来才可以继续帮你？我说我不在乎你的答案是骗人的，其实我很在乎，可是你应该不会说出我想听到的答案。不要用暗示来告诉我你的感受，我不会明白的，不想因为不明白而错过什么。你就不会直接一点，主动一点告诉我你的感受、你的想法吗？

每次跟你怄气的时候，你只要哄我一下就可以了，千万不要照我的意思去做，因为我每次都在口是心非。如果照我的意思去做，我会更生气、更难过。讨厌被你欺负:( 我却因为心软所以更容易被你欺负:( 你总是爱欺负我:( 就不会心疼一下我吗？就这么爱欺负我哦？想被你宠坏，想要你听我的话，我说什么就是什么，你不可以说不，你却不肯宠我一下。有时候想要任性一点，想要对你大发脾气，又不忍心这么做。

到了周末就好闷，好无聊，如果让你知道的话，你又会叫我去交男朋友了:( 讨厌你这么说。说穿了，我也不过是想待在你身边罢了。一直都很珍惜跟你相处的每一次机会。习惯依赖你，习惯听取你的意见，习惯什么事都告诉你，习惯遇到什么事，不管是好是坏，都会去找你，要戒掉这个习惯。也不能完全说是习惯，因为我只是不想去找别人，只是想找你才会去找你的。