难受

我又丢下你一个人了:( 不想离开，可是你都把话说得这么明白了，我能不走吗？不喜欢看到你一个人的时候，怕你会觉得孤单寂寞，虽然你没这么说过。

感觉好像失去了我的避风港，失去了我一直依赖的人。。。不见了，通通都不见了，在一夜之间不见了。或许，严格来说，我从来都没拥有过。为什么离开会这么难受？为什么要离开？不能不离开吗？很舍不得，不忍心离开。

你说得对，忘记对我会比较好，可是我根本就不想忘记，一点都不想:( 可不可以不要忘记？我一点都不开心:( 我不要忘记，也不要离开，因为只有在你身边我才是快乐的。

我必须习惯一个人，好难受:( 必须习惯你不在我身边，会想念你对我的好，会想念你一切的一切，最重要的是会想念你。就算你会骂我，说我笨，我也不能撒谎说我会去忘记，撒谎说忘了你了，骗你说已经没感觉了，或许以后我会忘记，以后的事留给以后再说，反正现在的我就是忘不掉！在你面前还是会装一下没事，怕你会因为我的固执而不高兴。

哎，还是算了吧，你的快乐比较重要。。。

再见

只能说再见了。。。难过，可是我会努力的，我一定会努力的，需要点时间。还是很庆幸能够遇见你:) 一定会想念的，可是又能怎样？会尽量不去打扰你，我这么笨，可能需要好长一段时间才不会痛。很害怕自己又会开始担心你/关心你。。。会没事的。。。一定会没事的。我一直以来都蛮坚强的，这次也会。是我自己自找的，拖太久了，早就该结束了。想念。。。慢慢来吧，一定可以的。难过不知道怎样发泄，又不想跟别人讲，怎么办？好辛苦。我什么都不要想，只想睡觉:(

Eat & play:)

Celebrated jeanne's birthday on Wed, went astons!hehe, my favourite place:) After that was arcade, long time since I played basketball, I suck at it now, not to mention I wasn't that great either in the past. I just discovered something about jeanne, she's damn violent and rough as compared to me and clara haha. Luckily I wasn't her opponent for that game if not I will be in much pain! I forgot about my troubles for that period of time:)

Thurs was at some Jap place for buffet at 313 (colleagues' farewell dinner), was quite full, I think I ate alot but it's not my limit yet cause I was a bit hungry again after playing pool haha. Pool was fun although learning the basics is a chore, must make tremendous improvement fast cause I want to win someone at pool for once, just once will do and after that I don't mind losing forever haha.

I think I'm really getting thinner, shit! Shall try to gain back some weight if possible:)

感觉甜甜的:) 虽然有时会有酸酸和苦苦的感觉，可是甜甜的感觉占据比较大的比数:) 容易满足也不见得是坏事:)

这首歌有几句歌词蛮符合我现在的状况的：

我轻轻的尝一口 你说的爱我 还在回味你给过的温柔
我轻轻的尝一口 这香浓的诱惑 我喜欢的样子你都有
你爱过头竟然答应我要给我蜂蜜口味的生活
加一颗奶球我搅拌害羞将甜度调高后再牵手
你的爱太多想随身带走想你的时候就吃上一口
我温热着被呵护的感受却又担心降温了要求
我尝着你话里面的奶油溜啊溜
听过的每句话都很可口呦啊呦
那些多余的画面全被跳过 你的眼中只有我
我轻轻的尝一口 你说的爱我 舍不得吃会微笑的糖果
我轻轻的尝一口 份量虽然不多 却将你的爱完全吸收
我微笑着让香味停留 缘分走到这也赖着不走
像夹心饼干中间有甜头 继续下去不需要理由

一直觉得这首歌也是甜甜的:)

难过

考试不及格，所以难过。。。哭也哭过了，也应该发泄完了吧？明明很难过，朋友问起又要装没事，要强颜欢笑。哎，强颜欢笑总好过封闭自己，需要一点时间让自己恢复。难过的时间总会过去，现在要担心的事还有很多例如：钱的问题，今年要读多少科目，要继续工作吗？要快点作决定，如果我有钱/考及格的话就不用为了这些事而烦了:( 要再努力一点，我会加油的！好想3年内毕业，以后上课要一个人了:( 现在只想抱着Rilakkuma 玩偶躺在床上发呆:(

不是故意要避开你的，只是怕会在你面前崩溃，应该也只有在你面前才不会强颜欢笑，会呈现出最真实的自己。不是你没办法让我变开心一点，是我自己没办法开心起来，有那么一瞬间因为你说的话而笑，可是后来没说话时又变难过了。你有让我开心，只是你不知道而已:) 谢谢:)

Huiwen's 21st!

Attended boonie's 21st birthday bash on Friday! Hope she likes her presents! Mel hid the necklaces and lip gloss in the bag and boonie only discovered it yesterday when she opened up the bag haha. Gave her a real shock, well done mel:)

Played pool yesterday, it was fun!:) I want to play again haha, I'm still at beginner level though but have taken a liking towards pool recently:) After that went for bbq at bishan organised by some of my colleagues, I just sat there and eat. Can't really bite using my front teeth, got to peel off the meat using my hands:( When can I bite using my front teeth? It's so weak and still hurts, but I love my blue braces!hehe.

通常在发呆时都有在想东西，只是有时不想别人担心或是不想讲，我就会回答我只是在发呆/在想别的东西，反正就不会告诉你我真正的想法。我害怕的东西有好多，我害怕会知道一些事让自己不开心所以会避开某些话题、会避开某些人、会避开某些会让自己难过的情况。难过之后又要让自己开心，困难！越单纯的人想的事情是不是越多？还是越复杂？不知道。有时会觉得自己好单纯好笨，别人说的话都会全部相信，完全不会怀疑或觉得有别的意思。I will just take it as what it is, what it means to me, but maybe sometimes there's a hidden meaning which I've failed to decipher?跟我这种人说话直接讲就好，不然我会听不懂:D

开心:)

这几天都很开心，特别是今天:) 我是一个很容易满足的人，也是一个很容易就会感动的人，只要你对我好，不管是多么简单的举动，我都会很开心:) 也许你觉得你没做什么，可是我已经感受得到你对我的关心了:) 超喜欢别人对我好，超喜欢别人关心我:) 你只要对我好一点点，就算之前我对你有不满意的地方/你有让我觉得不开心的时候，我都会通通忘掉。希望每天都可以这么开心，也希望别人每天都会和我一样开心:)

开心就好:)

Met up with min, bel and liz for Jap food on Friday and had our usual girls' talk!haha, had a great laugh that day, was sort of entertained by some people's actions! Seriously, I don't know what caused this change but I think the most important thing is to feel happy with whatever you're doing and whoever that you're hanging out with:) I'm happy when I'm with my best group of friends:) Bel just came back from hk and gave us our souvenirs! I love the bookmark and my Donald Duck!hehe, love ducklings!!!

Met up with huiwen just now to buy her clothes which she will be wearing for this friday's birthday party! Kept psycho-ing her to buy this buy that haha! No dress code for that day but must wear nice nice! That's what she kept on telling me. She wanted to set a theme where everyone has to bring their other half there and she asked me to go find one! Then I used her own trick on her telling her she must follow that theme too!haha, and I won!:D

为什么长得好看的人就很容易吸引别人的目光让别人去注意她们，而像我这种却要付出多十倍的努力别人才会稍微注意到我一下？为什么长得好看的人总是会让别人主动想要跟她们聊天做朋友，而像我这种却没人要理我？为什么长得好看的人就会受到非一般的待遇？

长得好看的人性格不用很好，如果性格也很好就更占优势，我却必须要拥有非常良好的个性来弥补外形上的缺陷。我再怎么努力都没用，因为只要有一点不好，别人就会用放大镜把不好的一面扩大，然后批评我:( 也许会说，都长得不好看了，个性还这么差，难怪没人喜欢。我不是完美的，我也不可能做到很完美，我就是我，就算我有试着要把不好的一面改掉也不可能把自己变得很完美，还是会有缺陷。为什么我可以接受不完美的你，你却不能接受同样不完美的我？

保留着三公分的距离，我的眼里填满着整个我爱的你，坐在同一张四方桌子边，你的眼里读不到眷着我的讯息。我走向前你看不见，真的遥远，就连叹息影子听见也似无言。。。你和我之间刻着一条界线不曾有改变，距离是你走过我身边。

遗憾

超遗憾，超后悔，超难过的。。。早知道就不走掉，又不知道你有这样的想法，不然一定不会走:( 为什么不早讲啊？为什么不叫我回去啊？为什么自己又要笨笨的走掉？还不是因为害怕一个人回去，都说不喜欢一个人了:( 难得你会有这样的要求，我却错过了，你是不会明白我心里的感受的！虽然是说还会有机会这么做，可是你的记性又不好，如果你忘记了，那我不是又会再难过多一次？也许下一次又会有很多人加入，那我就不要了，而且下一次不知道还要等多久:( 昨天有点难过因为听到你说如果她有来就好。。。反正我在不在也无所谓，那下次我就不去了，只要有她在什么都好，不是吗？哎，算了，不想抱太大的期望，不然又会很失望:(

Another reason why I'm sad is because you just let me went with him and it seemed perfectly fine to you. I'm perfectly fine with it too, in fact it couldn't have been better!

I think I'm a bad person cause whenever I'm angry, I'll always direct my anger at you but you will still be nice to me and tolerate all these nonsense. You won't get angry with me but instead try to make me happy again, yet I keep doing this to you. I keep saying stuff which may hurt you, never really consider your feelings but you never blame me, not even once. Sigh, I'm sorry:( Shouldn't have treated you this badly:(

Satisfied

Finally put on my braces and it's blue! lame joke: now I have bluetooth! haha, it hurts a little when brushing and biting using the front teeth. There's also ulcers popping out but nevertheless, I shall bear with the pain:) I'm a brave girl hehe, can start eating normal food but not those really hard and solid ones, I still don't really have the strength to chew too much. There's no need to eat only porridge yay! I think maybe after a few months I can start chewing already? Or can't? Cause the dentist will be tightening the braces every 1 or 2 months, shall update you guys at a later date! Can't speak properly now cause of the ulcers but once it has subsided, I think I can speak normally again:)

I like the porridge buffet at tiong bahru plaza:) Ate very little though cause the ulcers are hurting me and I can't really bite, once I can start biting I want to go seoul garden!haha. Felt like a vampire cause of the way I closed my mouth after speaking, same way as how a vampire closes his mouth to hide his teeth!haha.

我喜欢别人对我好，喜欢别人关心我，就算只是一句简单的问候还是关心的话，我都会很开心。我喜欢这种被别人在乎的感觉:) 同样的，我也喜欢对别人好，喜欢看到别人的笑容，我对别人好却不希望他们给我任何回报因为我只是单纯的想对他们好，想帮他们，希望他们会因为得到帮助而感到开心，如果要回报的话，那这一切对我来说都没意义了。如果只是想得到别人的回报，那你帮助他们的意义又是什么？如果想回报我的话，只要让我看到你的笑容就行了:) 不喜欢看到别人不开心，因为我的情绪会很容易就被他们影响，所以只要是在我的能力范围内，我都会尽量去帮助你:) 也就是因为这样，有些人才会利用我，我才会这么容易被别人欺负:(

我已经尽量不去听，不去看，不去问不想知道的事，可是有时候还是躲不掉。别人跟你聊到她而我又没办法躲开的时候，就只能默默坐在那里听，就算再难受，也要装作没事。我真的不想听到有关于你们俩的事还有你是怎么形容她的，因为你说的都是称赞她的话，都是她的优点，都证明了你有多么的喜欢她，在乎她。我在想，如果我单独跟一个男生出去的话，你会有什么反应？还是我以后都不理你，别人介绍男生给我，我也不会再拒绝，我想你应该也没什么反应，不对，你应该会很开心因为你终于摆脱我了。如果你。。。。。。。哎，算了，我认命。现在拥有的已经足够了，我已经很满足了:)