working life

2 weeks have passed since I started working, I'm always very tired after work. If I'm early, I'll have to ask for the keys to finance department. Once, I was late for work and the security guard called me when I continued walking past the guard house cause the keys are not taken yet. I was shocked cause it's 9am already, so when I went up, everyone turned to look at me, don't like too much attention focused on me.

Some of my colleagues tend to raise their voice when they get frustrated explaining things over the phone. Why can't they use a nicer tone? Luckily my supervisor and her colleagues in the same room as her are much nicer. They always make me laugh haha. I can hear their laughter from outside the room. Once, they just shouted out my name in the room and I could hear them from my place. My supervisor's children are very cute, they like to call her and continue to talk even after they said bye haha.

Colleagues having heated arguments scared the hell out of me. I can't win an argument. If you're smart, you'll know that by threatening me with the things that I care about will make me give in immediately even when I stubbornly refuse to compromise a while ago. If I like talking to you and you said things like you won't talk to me again out of spite, I'd have lost the argument completely. It also depends on the person who said that, of course if I hate you, I don't even care.

如果认为我无故发脾气，或许是因为不明白我要什么/我在想什么。我要的只是被别人在乎，想被视为特别或重要的人。因为我不重要，所以就可以把关于我的事都忘掉。不应该不开心的，不应该发脾气的，不应该对你这么坏的。很想念那个对我好的人，想念那个霸占我思绪的人，可是。。。他不知道。如果知道了，会不会反感？应该会不喜欢。