失落

I was hoping that you will ask me out, I was hoping to spend the day with you. Obviously, you didn't have the same intention. I knew you wouldn't do it, but it didn't stop me from having expectations. So much for having expectations. 自作多情的下场就是这样，活该！是有那么一点贪心，一直会有想见到你的念头。谁会希望在自己生日当天独自一个人留在家？没有在怪你的意思，反正你也很忙，只是有点失落而已。。。Happy birthday to myself~

P.S. Thank you for all the birthday wishes especially to mag & jy who called me specially:) 感动！我超容易哄的，这样就很开心了！Looking forward to our next outing! Don't need buy present if you happened to see this entry! My birthday wish can't be bought with money :D Appreciate those who remembers my birthday:) Thank you! :))

Gatherings

Dinner at pasir panjang with ei8ht on Friday. First time going there, after that was to evil twin's house for ban luck & mahjong! Lost in ban luck, won in mahjong but overall I still made a loss. Not much luck. Getting better in mahjong, but afraid that I'll forget how to play the next time. Reminisced our poly days, memories kept flowing back:) Played some background music and I kept choosing Jay's & JJ's songs:) I want to sing~~~ Played mahjong for about 3-4 hours to complete one round, reached home at 3 plus in the morning. Addicted to mahjong now, I like playing mahjong. It's fun playing with them:)

Just came back from ah ma's birthday celebration & it's my sister's birthday today:) Played murderer and hide & seek with the kids, I think I'm a bit too old for that. I've forgotten how to play happy family, donkey and old maid already, my childhood memories~ It's gone just like that. My favourite ler ler boy was very hyper and friendly today, not as shy as before, had fun playing with him:)

February babies

Marche with min, bel and liz to celebrate the February babies' birthdays! Updated one another on our lives since I seldom use social network so they have no idea what I've been up to nowadays. Lots of fun taking pictures especially with our iphones haha. Thanks for the birthday present!

我是不是太野蛮又不讲道理？可能你会觉得我对别人的要求很高，可是我真的不喜欢听到有人用那个字。我又没说你不能用，我只是不喜欢你用而已啊。我喜欢你跟我诉苦，喜欢陪你分担你的烦恼，喜欢你告诉我你的点点滴滴。虽然我帮不上什么忙，但至少我有尽力去安慰你，让你的心情变好一点。我不喜欢你不开心，所以会尽量帮你，不做会让你不开心的事。可是。。。我明明说错话了，让你不开心了，你却没有指责我／骂我，反而还让我。我不该在这个时候说你，对不起！我也不是完全不能接受你用那个字，只是有点不喜欢而已，以后你想用就用，我没关系的。

我知道我很单纯很天真，也因为这样所以才会把一切都想得很简单很完美。有时候也会因为这样而说／做错事，会让你生气／难过。不知道我的单纯是好事还是坏事？我知道你没在怪我也没有生气／难过，我知道事情没那么严重，可是我就是想道歉。对不起。

如果回去也只是想找你，可是你又不会出来，那我为什么要回去？你会觉得闷，会觉得孤单吗？对不起。对你来说，我只是一个小妹妹，一个你对她不会有任何感觉的小妹妹:( 一点都不想被当成是你的妹妹／好朋友，真的一点都不想:( 你永远都不会明白的:( 算了，又是我在一厢情愿，每次都是我在一厢情愿:(

多的是，你不知道的事。。。

很开心:))

因为你，所以我很开心:) 在你身边总是觉得很自在、很舒服、很好玩、很开心，很喜欢这种感觉:) 我喜欢这种没有压力的相处方式:) 我一点都不觉得闷:)

虽然从没赢过你，这次你也没让我太多，可是你每次让我的时候，我就会很开心:) 虽然你不知道，但是我玩得很开心，谢谢你咯！希望还有下一次:)

I like CNY:))

Happy CNY!!! Same old routine every year, meeting extended family of my father's side (where everyone just gathered at that relative's house) then to grandparents' house and back to father's side of the family again. Had steamboat for reunion dinner, my brother had his own theory that whoever brings their other half to that particular family's house, they will break. So, we only managed to see my sis and hy's boyfriend (qh & silas) on the 2nd day, my brother don't want to bring his! We played street fighter with them -- silas is also team Ken:) Seriously I don't behave like a girl, fancy me playing street fighter!

Seldom gamble these 2 days cause I kept losing, but my brother won $15! We had nothing to do so we keep on gambling, except for me, didn't want to lose anymore. Had a sip of red wine but it's very bitter:(

Going to be 22 soon, but I think that I'm still young:) My cousins and siblings used to think that I mature too fast cause whenever the adults bring us to buy presents, they will always buy toys but I'll buy CDs & storybooks! I also think that I mature too fast haha.

想找你去看逆战，可是我不敢问。I'll definitely watch secret 2 if there is:)

Bern bern & ler ler boy! Elle meimei is the prettiest but we couldn't get her to take a picture!

Housewarming

Unofficial housewarming party at yl's condominium on Tuesday. Nice~ I wish I have a house like that. Went to buy ingredients for korean feast and met a stalker. He kept following us and looking in our direction, but maybe it's over-thinking on our part. I don't really pay much attention to my surroundings and I still think that we are paranoid.

Kept eating kimchi, I love kimchi :D Came up with a checklist of who's the best housewife and champion is our auntie jy! I was the last cause they included cooking. I really don't know how to cook, I only know the basic household chores and I'm extremely honest in doing that survey :D They came up with a criteria of gossiping, mag said every girl knows so it's irrelevant. Then, all of them turned to look at me and said I don't know! Ok, I admit defeat.

After that was k session, her k system is the same as kbox's. Didn't go for Amei's AMeiZing concert, having regrets now. Didn't choose to stayover and went home instead, I love bus rides home:)

我总是抱很高的期望，想约你出来但又不想逼你。我想我大概是忘了，有些事只是说说罢了，不需要当真。不想／没办法确定就不要说嘛，害我白高兴一场，害我现在这么不开心:( 你每次都是这样:( 不知道我很想你吗？不知道我很想见到你吗？你当然不会知道，因为我没告诉你。

Busy Thursday

Back at SP today for lunch with ei8ht, ordered 猪什汤 and malay food. Forgot whose crazy idea was that, we simply miss the food in SP:) Bought back seafood soup for evil twin since she had to attend lecture. Used to be sick of the food there, but now we miss it so much that it seems like there's alot of nice food for us to choose out of a sudden. The exterior of the classrooms are very nice now and I actually miss climbing up 峨眉山!

2D1N for dinner with min, bel and liz, satisfy my meat and kimchi craving:) Well, bel introduced her guy friend to me saying he's quite a good catch, a very nice person. Ok~ maybe something will come out of it? I can't say for sure but this kind of things are usually unpredictable, maybe I'll end up falling for him? Let's take one step at a time.

I know I need to forget and stop thinking about you but it doesn't seem to work. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough or maybe I wasn't even trying at all. I'm still trying to accept the fact that it's impossible between us, but a part of me is still hoping for the impossible to happen. Meanwhile, I'll try not to care too much, not to be too affected by you, not to be jealous (I hope? Jealousy is my greatest weakness). Basically, it's just to shut off all my feelings towards you. Maybe I'll succeed, or maybe I just don't want to.

I know you will start lecturing me and be unhappy if you know about this. 但是，有些东西是骗不了人的，不是我不能而是我不要。你会懂吗？你会明白吗？

Spare me the agony. Can the feelings disappear into thin air or whatever it is that they do, just go away! I don't want to feel a thing! And it doesn't help that people are telling me to forget but I don't have any idea on how to do it.

I don't mind having 公主病 if it means having someone to dote on me and love me:) 不介意被宠坏:)