:(

是不是不肯原谅我？可不可以不要这么冷淡，不要不理我？:( 很难过，是不是不会再对我好了？:( 我很睏，可是我睡不着。睡觉就什么都不用想，也不会难过。我的精力快被耗尽了，所以不要再失眠了，拜托。今晚应该可以睡了，好累。不开心的时候没胃口吃东西，没心情吃，以后再补回来好了。害怕你会一直对我这么冷淡，一直不肯理我:( 可不可以不要这样:(

Wrong

I did a wrong thing, I know I did. But I promised I won't do it again means I won't. If the trust is gone, there's nothing I can do. I can feel it slipping away but I'm not in a position to apologize or ask for forgiveness cause I know you won't give it to me. 我说什么你都听不进，连道歉你也不接受。Things are going to change, I'll accept it if you don't forgive me. Sorry. 现在就算你哭死也不会有人理你！愚蠢！是我错了，你生气／失望是对的。对不起。

Apologizing doesn't help, so I can only hope that one day you will be able to forgive me. I know you won't care about me anymore, 是我自作自受。Sad that I've disappoint you and I actually did such a thing. 你不肯接受我的道歉，我只能在这里说了，至少它不会拒绝我的道歉。应该会不理我了，现在道歉也来不及了。Whatever I do to gain your trust or forgiveness is futile now, nothing helps. 不要去打扰你好了，不然你会更生气。如果同样事情发生在我身上，你会有相同的反应吗？你不会，你只会要我帮你解释。

睡不着~~~ I feel tired but I can't get to sleep. Insomnia? First time ever.

Dinner

Dinner at coffee stars by Dao for thai food on friday night with ei8ht. Started talking about work and school, really dread going out to work after hearing so much. You not only have to face tremendous stress trying to complete your work on time, be efficient, practically make no mistakes at all, you also have to maintain good relations with your superior and colleagues. Sometimes working life is not that simple, at least not what I thought it was initially. You have to be careful of what's out there, lurking in the shadows preparing to stab a knife into your back when you aren't looking. The ugly side of the workforce is enough to make me want to stay away from it. I must learn to defend myself, try not to become one of them. Circumstances can change a person, I hope I won't change, or at least change for the better, not worse.

At TCC after that having random chats and playing with the different kinds of apps like palm reading, taking pictures etc, quite fun, at least I laughed a lot:) Although I didn't talk much, but they were used to it and I just feel relaxed with them.

Met min yesterday at suntec, went to a bar nearby but I didn't touch any alcohol, I'm a good girl, knows how to control haha. Had heart-to-heart-talk, did more consoling on my part. Saw mel and ji just now, such a coincidence, bumped into them twice! My sister saw me near the station on my way home, 2 coincidence in a day:) I just realised I'm Beethoven (背多分) cause someone just praised me. This is what I call "praise" and not sweet-talk.

Evil twins!

Enjoy

The battle is over. Finally. I shall face the consequences 3 months later, be it good or bad, I'll have to accept it. Shall not think about it now, instead I should start embracing the holidays! I'm glad I ended early, jiayou and good luck to those whose exams haven't ended.

Went to the library and I just got to know that I can borrow 6 books instead of the usual 4, so greedy me borrowed 6 at one go! Reading keeps me happy :)

Need to look for a job real soon, don't feel like working. Feel like idling my time away~~ Feeling so lazy right now haha. I can finally do the things that I like without feeling guilty or having something bothering me. Happy holidays to UOL students! :)

Confused

Done with 4 modules, left with my favourite MSM on Monday:) Having 2 modules in one day was tiring, having one module yesterday and one today wasn't any better. I had headache after my sociology paper but I still need to prepare for FM today. Didn't absorb much and I couldn't do the paper, wasn't well-prepared. In fact, this is the worst module, didn't have any confidence. I wasn't so unprepared for a module before. Anyway, if I failed this module, I'm not going to retake it, going to choose a new one. Finance is not my forte. Imagine majority of the people having more confidence in theory questions of the finance paper than the calculations, this shows that the quantitative questions are difficult.

I was too stressed studying for soci paper until I cried while studying. First time experiencing it, I thought I was rather good in stress management, I guess I was wrong then. I cried because I'm not allowed to fail, I can't accept failure this time. I need to pass, again I'm giving myself too much pressure. Maybe UOL isn't suitable for me, or I just didn't work hard enough. Simple as that.

I've given it some thought. Best case scenario: Fail 1 module, take 5 modules next year, left 1 more year to graduate. Worst case scenario: Fail more than 1 module, left 2 more years to graduate or quit school. What happens if I fail my econs or soci paper again? Judging by this scenario, I shouldn't try again cause there isn't a guarantee that I'll pass it for the last try. I can quit school or join another school like RMIT. If I do that, I'd have wasted my time and money studying in UOL. But if I continue and fail again, that's even more stupid. Do I really need that degree so much? I need it so that I'll have a better pay next time, anymore benefits? Not too sure yet, I'm really confused right now, I don't know what to do.

I don't feel like joining the workforce either. Mel did suggest that I find a rich guy and marry him, she believed that I can convince him to marry me by working my charm haha. Good idea, but before I find someone like that, I'll need to work hard using my own capabilities. A girl can just find a rich guy and marry off if she isn't that successful or don't want to work, but a guy has to be successful and financially stable to provide for his woman. Sucks to be a man, there isn't any equality of genders to speak of in this case. Speaking of that, it reminds me of soci but we didn't get to study that topic. Actually, I find soci to be quite interesting at times, but anything that involves studying it for an exam, it becomes tedious after a while.

After my last paper, I swear I'm going to the library to pick up some novels to read. It's been a long time since I cultivate this interest of mine. I've always love reading since young but I hate English! haha.

学然后知不足 The more a man learns, the more he knows his ignorance.
施人之惠，当不记于心；受人之恩，需铭记于心 I'll always remember the ones who are nice to me:) Appreciate it, though I didn't say it or express it out. Too much gratitude!
你生活的起点并不是那么重要，重要的是最后你抵达了哪里--彼得。巴菲特

Alright, time to prepare for my MSM!

朋友

其实你可以省下麻烦，因为我没说我需要“朋友的关心”。我不在乎你“够不够朋友”，不用跟我解释为什么会对我好，我知道。因为我是你的朋友，所以才会关心我。我最讨厌你这么说了，你却不知道，还是假装不知道？没有必要的话，可以不用关心我，不用对我好，反正我也没差。我宁愿你不关心我，这样就不会听到让我难过的话了。

但我必须说，我真的很感激你这段日子所付出的关心也很喜欢你对我好，你知道吗？没当面对你说声感谢，刚才还表现得这么不在乎。稍微对你发了一下脾气，说了一些难听的话。有点过分，你关心我，我还这么说，希望你不要介意（你可能都没察觉到）。要对我好就不要说会让我难过的话，要说就不要对我好。

自责

Feel like blogging in Chinese, pardon me.

为什么脑筋会一片空白？我以为我准备好了，好像不是这样。很自责。给自己很大的压力，很高的期望，明明告诉自己没有失败的空间，却还是失败了。越做越辛苦，不是应该比较轻松的吗？尽力好像不够，会想为什么别人可以，我却不行？我是不是很笨？刚才发泄了，哭了，因为对自己很失望。我是不是不够努力？为什么我还是不明白，为什么我还是做不好？为什么我什么都想不到？为什么会这么慌张？问题不会太难啊，为什么会不知道该怎么做？我已经降低标准了，只想及格，有这么难吗？好像要再发泄一下。很难受。发泄完了之后，要记得整理好心情，准备下一科。考完后，要思考一下这个问题，我是不是真的不适合这里？在任何时候听到这句话，都不好受。没有人会心疼你，所以你要学会自慰，要坚强一点。

Should start clearing the notes from today's exam, the sight of them makes me want to puke. 让我想起我的伤心事。Quote a term from Charles Darwin: survival of the fittest, this is what the society is about. I should set my priorities right.